Self Fundamentals: Understanding and Accepting Ourselves

Keep a Journal.
For 10 minutes each morning or each evening, write whatever you want. Do not get out your laptop, and don't sit at your desktop computer! The pen and the paper are essential, and though it is a slower process, you'll get more benefit from doing it this way because you will be more intimately connected with your words. Journal writing can be totally open-ended with no specific plan, or built around a theme. The meaning in your writing will not be evident until you have entered your thoughts faithfully for two or more weeks and you can look back over all you have written. The content does not have to be profound, but the physical act of writing is linked to memory — particularly emotional memory, and your heart. Do not try to organize your writing; let the words flow. Resolve to continue this for at least six months.

Use a Programmed Relaxation Response.
Practice at least 10 minutes a day for two weeks, every day. Choose a very calming image (a lake, a mountain, etc.), a calming sound (the tide or a ticking clock), a word or short phrase (peace; I am calm). Hold the image in your mind for the full 10 minutes. Your mind will probably stray, but don't chastise yourself if it does. Remain calm, and simply refocus on your calming image or message and let other thoughts fade away. This will help you practice turning on calming physical reactions to stressful situations.

After two weeks of faithful practice, try beginning your session by imagining a difficult situation. As you feel yourself getting angry or anxious, shift your mind back to your programmed relaxation response. Practice this variation 10 minutes a day for two more weeks. Then try your programmed response in real situations in which you feel yourself getting anxious or angry.

Write yourself a "Positive" Script.
This is a positive internal monologue you program for yourself. Our minds are never still. The trouble is, we often let negative messages drift through our minds and take over — negative images that reduce our energy and bring about the things we most fear: failure and rejection. Keep your script short. Here is an example:

I have a lot of talent and enthusiasm. People find me likable, and I am very good at making sales. I work hard to please my customers, and they are loyal to me. I want to be the best sales rep in this region. I know I can do it! Increased sales will bring me greater financial rewards, make me proud, and get me noticed. I believe in myself, my team, and this company, and I know I can make a difference — today and every day.

Keep a copy in your desk drawer and read it over every morning and at lunch. Repeat the words mentally or read the Positive Script during stressful times. Do this religiously for a few weeks, and you will probably only find you need to repeat it when things seem particularly tough or stressful.