Dealing with the Angry Individual

Overview
While Dealing with Anger in yourself is complex and challenging, dealing with anger in other people is a whole new can of worms. Think about how defensive you feel when confronting your own anger. Now think about how threatened you feel when someone else confronts your anger, telling you to "calm down," "lower your voice," "take a timeout," or "let it go." By recalling what it feels like when you're angry and someone tries to engage with and manage your anger, you will be in a better position to deal effectively with another person's anger.

Dealing with one individual can be very different from dealing with another. There are several factors to keep in mind:

The individual's idiosyncrasies. Is the person generally approachable? Is the person anger-in or anger-out? Is the person aggressive? Does the person tend to listen? Does the person have a track record of responding well to feedback?

Your relationship with the individual. Do you have some kind of rapport with the person? Is the person in a position of authority over you (boss, customer)? Are you in a position of authority over the other person (subordinate, vendor)? Is the person a peer?

The nature of the angry expression. Has the individual over-expressed his or her anger? Under-expressed it? Very effectively and appropriately expressed it?

The gravity of the anger. Is the person mildly irritated, furious, or somewhere in between?

The underlying cause. Can the cause be addressed easily? Is the cause beyond easy remedy? Can the cause be addressed at least partially? Is the cause beyond remedy entirely?

Your particular style. Are you outgoing? Introverted? Direct? Indirect? Confrontational? Non-confrontational?

In the workplace, you interact with many people: customers, vendors, peers, subordinates, and bosses. Any of them can become angry for any number of reasons, and it is not always your responsibility to become directly involved with that anger. Sometimes it's best to avoid engagement and let the appropriate party manage the anger. You have to make that judgment for yourself case by case, based on the circumstances. However, when the angry person is a subordinate over whom you have direct supervisory authority, you are the appropriate party and must take responsibility for dealing with the situation.

In many cases, anger emerges unpredictably from disruptions in work tasks or from the actions of others; thus if you as manager are present, you must react "in the moment" to the angry individual. It is highly important to avoid the three most common pitfalls here:

Ignoring the anger

Shutting it down through nonverbal communication that it's "not okay to express anger"

Attempting to shout down the angry individual and "trump" his or her anger.

Instead, you must acknowledge that feeling the anger and expressing it is okay, while escalating the anger and behaving aggressively is unacceptable. You can say, "Your anger is important. The issue must be addressed. Let's talk about it in an appropriate time and place." Exhibiting calmness and a willingness to engage the employee are essential in these situations.

If the angry individual has harmed or is likely to harm others directly or indirectly, you must remove the person from the workplace at least temporarily and direct the person to professional help. In some cases, you may need to alert company security or law enforcement officials. Fortunately, situations such as this tend to be in the minority.