Five Step Process for Managing the Angry Individual

In most cases, you can engage the angry individual appropriately and effectively, mollify the situation in the short term, and address the underlying causes in the long term. There are five basic steps to follow:

1. Start with yourself.

2. Gather information.

3. Schedule a meeting soon.

4. Engage the person.

5. Evaluate and take action.

1. Start With Yourself
Be aware of your own feelings of anger and how those feelings may affect your interactions and relationships at work. A common response when dealing with angry people is to become angry in return because of the discomfort and disruption caused by their anger. It's very helpful simply to remind yourself that you may be angry too, and to manage your own anger first.

You also should be aware that part of an employee's anger may be directed at you, even if you're not directly involved in the problem at hand. It's likely that the individual feels less in control of the situation because of your authority. If you become angry in turn, your ability to listen to the employee will be compromised and probably make the situation far worse.

2. Gather Information
Try to find out what's going on from at least two independent sources. If you cannot find the answers from independent sources, you will have to rely on the people directly involved. Bear in mind that they may have very distorted versions of the information. Don't play judge. By placing yourself in the role of "information gatherer," you will diminish the potential defensive responses of the angry individual and give yourself greater credibility to ultimately resolve the situation. Remember, when you are gathering information, you are trying to identify the underlying source of the anger.

3. Schedule a Meeting Soon
Meet with the person on the day of the incident, but not "right this moment." Let a few hours pass in between, so both of you have time to prepare for a potentially difficult conversation. Anger is exaggerated when people are distracted, stressed, or not feeling their best. Therefore, select a time when both of you can freely discuss the situation with as little distraction as possible. But don't put off the meeting to another day—that will only leave time for the anger to fester.

Be strategic about the place of the meeting as well. If you want to emphasize your authority in the situation, your office may properly convey the message of who is ultimately in control. If you'd like to emphasize your concern for the employee and convey more neutrality, select a site where you can de-emphasize your power, such as a conference room or off-site location. In most cases, if you wish to find the real cause of the anger and address it, you will want to de-emphasize your authority and try to address the employee on as equal a footing as possible. Your authority, after all, is probably not in doubt. What you need to convey is that you care about the employee and what caused his or her anger, and that you'd like to resolve the situation.

It is very important that you prepare in advance for the meeting. Question your assumptions and suspend judgment. You need to gather information. Rehearse what you are going to say and decide what you are not going to say. While it is critical that you listen carefully before making any judgments, it may be necessary for you, as the manager, to give the angry person feedback about the episode in question.

4. Engage the Person
When you meet with the angry individual, remember that your primary task is to listen. Let the angry person express the anger in his or her own words. Listen carefully and actively, but don't interrupt. Guide the discussion only when necessary, and use neutral but probing questions such as "How?," "Why?," and "Can you be more specific?" Try to gather more data from the anger. Throughout the meeting, exhibit respect, sensitivity, open-mindedness, flexibility, and tolerance.

Sometimes angry people simply want to vent their anger to another person—especially a person in a position of authority. If the angry individual wants to vent, remember two important facts:

Venting anger does not relieve angry feelings and sometimes exacerbates them.

You do not have an obligation to make yourself the recipient of undifferentiated hostility.

Make clear that the reason for the meeting is to get to the underlying cause of the anger and attempt to resolve it. Let the person vent, but only enough to convey the information. If the individual is repeating the same words again and again, raising his or her voice consistently, and speaking in absolutes like "always" and "never," then you may need to cut off the venting.

Be aware, though, that the individual may consider it a significant remedy—or at least a first step—simply to be heard on the matter by an authority figure. Often you can minimize over-venting by listening intently and silently. If you appear to be contemplating the individual's words, he or she will probably choose them more carefully.

While you want to focus on the individual during the meeting—making eye contact, nodding your head, showing concern, smiling when appropriate—you also want to take notes. This signals that you're taking the matter seriously and provides a record of the conversation. To add even more gravity, consider tape-recording the conversation. (Be sure to ask for permission or at least inform the individual.)

Finally, in cases where there is a lack of trust between you and the angry individual, it may be appropriate to ask a neutral third person to be present at the meeting, preferably someone who is also an authority figure. Again, your primary purpose is to listen not just for the immediate facts but also for the underlying cause of the anger.

5. Evaluate and Take Action
If there is a clear source of the anger, that source must be addressed. By now you've already taken an important step by listening to the angry individual. After listening, you must evaluate the situation:

Is the anger legitimate?

If so, was the individual's behavior appropriate?

These are two different questions. You should take action on both.

First, provide constructive feedback on the way the individual expressed the anger. If the person handled the situation well, you should offer positive feedback to reinforce the behavior. If the individual handled the situation in an unacceptable or inappropriate way, you must address this matter directly. Explain your expectations for behavior in similar situations. In cases where the person needs to develop anger-management skills, direct him or her to a professional or provide coaching based on the guidelines for dealing with anger in yourself.

Second, seek a solution to the underlying cause of the anger. Is there a legitimate issue that requires action? If the angry person has confided in you, explaining the source of the anger, then he or she assumes that you will try to address that problem. If you take no action, the person is apt to feel a sense of betrayal—which will only lead to more angry feelings and potentially unhealthy behavior. However, if you listen carefully, evaluate fully, and take concrete steps to address the source of the anger, you will help to assuage the anger. Equally important, you will be able to use the data from your investigation to seize opportunities for improvement. That's how you turn anger from a negative to a positive influence in your workplace.